


the sun is shining (and i'm not smiling)

by pepi_peachnbeans



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Angst, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Pre Debut, Some Fluff, barely though - Freeform, jj project era, teenager years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 19:58:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16144421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepi_peachnbeans/pseuds/pepi_peachnbeans
Summary: it was that night that he had come to terms with the fact that he had wanted more, but nothing was ever going to come, because it was just a ship that was meant to sail, but sunk before it could even get halfway.





	the sun is shining (and i'm not smiling)

**Author's Note:**

> anyways, flatsound is one of my favorite bands and i've been meaning to write a fic about this song for awhile now, so here we are, and i experimented with a new writing style kind of if y'all couldn't tell. fic title is from bts truth untold but actual fic is based off of you said okay - flatsound

 

Jaebum was like a snowflake. Cold, untouchable, but beautiful in nature, and insanely unique. That much was evident since the very first time that Jinyoung met him.

It was at auditions. Jaebum was confident in all the ways that Jinyoung wasn't, and all the boys and girls kept looking at him, wondering who this cocky boy was. Jinyoung only managed to admire him from afar however, until they were put in a group together.

Jinyoung was nervous as he sat in the chair, extremely early, and waiting for Jaebum to come so that they could practice.

Jaebum arrived about a half hour later, and Jinyoung practically jumped up from his seat as he bowed, "I'm Park Jinyoung."

"Im Jaebum," he replied, dumping his bag on the ground.

Even after then, Jaebum's aloof nature never really ended. He still remained what was seemingly painfully cold and distant, even after they won, and eve after they spent class after class together and even shared a dorm.

But little by little, it was as if the winter was coming to an end and spring was on the way. It was small things, like Jaebum greeting him, which turned to conversations, and then, it suddenly felt like there wasn't such a huge disconnect anymore. Spring was finally here and the flowers were blooming.

The first time they had kissed, Jinyoung hadn't been expecting it. It was a late night, and the eldest in their dorm, Sungjin wasn't there, and it was just Jaebum and Jinyoung left alone. Jaebum was snappy and Jinyoung was fidgety and it was all too silent, and all too tense, and Jinyoung couldn't tell if it made matters better or worse with the fact that Sungjin wasn't there to diffuse it, like he most often would.

"You just don't seem to get it do you?"

No, Jinyoung really didn't. Whatever Jaebum was talking about, Jinyoung didn't get it. But it had to he important if it was making Jaebum this upset. When Jinyoung didn't answer, because he didn't know how to at the time, Jaebum scoffed and shook his head.

In seconds, he was crossing the room and when Jinyoung looked up from where his eyes was drilling holes into the floor, Jaebum was standing right there in front of him, their knees touching.

He wants to speak, to say something, anything, maybe he could finally appease the older boy, but he doesn't ever get the chance. Because Jaebum's raising his hands and he's afraid he will finally get hit, but instead of a fist, he gets hit with thousands of emotions.

Jaebum's lips were on his as he cradled Jinyoung's face, and it didn't matter that Jinyoung wasn't kissing back, that he wasn't responding in any way it even moving, it still seemed like enough for him. He finally was pulling back, "Do you get it now?"

Truth was, Jinyoung wasn't sure if he got it. But either way he licked his lips and nodded and Jaebum was leaning in again, and all he could do was close his eyes and grip his shoulders because he was afraid of what would happen if he opened his eyes.

After that, Jinyoung was expecting there to be a huge revelation, and it came to him one night, when he was sweating and felt like his lungs were going to collapse and how every muscle burned and ached. He was leaning against the glass wall of the practice room, internally dying as he panted, clutching the water bottle to his chest.

Jaebum was still practicing however and if Jinyoung felt like this much shit, then he could only image what Jaebum felt like, who was still trying to do b-boy tricks.

He wants to call out to him, to ask him to stop, but a part of him stops. He doesn't want to see Jaebum hurt, or in pain, but he still didn't know where they stand. To him, Jaebum was like his world. But things were still all to fragile. Like fine glass sitting underneath a ton pound weight that was being held up by one rope that was tearing more and more each day.

Sometimes it felt like it would all end one day, that it would be over and that he would feel more alone that he ever has before.

And Jinyoung was learning day by day that Jaebum really was like a snowflake, but not just for the beautiful ways that he had originally thought of him to be. His previous assumptions still stood true to this day, however. Jaebum was fragile, and all it took was something warm to melt him, and it made Jinyoung handle him carefully.

But Jinyoung would soon realize that he was terribly wrong. Jaebum had become his universe.

For as much time as they spent seeming rocky, it would seem as if there was every anything good, but of course there was. There would be times, where Jaebum would hold Jinyoung tight into his chest, and Jinyoung would wonder if it was even for him, or if it was because that's what Jaebum needs. But nevertheless, Jaebum would hold him there, as if Jinyoung was planning to leave, as if he ever would.

"You're like a snowflake," Jinyoung said once, his back pressed right into Jaebum's chest, the squeeze so tight that he was sure they were seconds away from either bursting or fusing into one.

"Oh yeah?" Jaebum had asked, his hands slipping underneath Jinyoung's shirt as he splayed them across his stomach and ribs.

"Yeah," Jinyoung hummed, twitching at the way Jaebum's forefinger and thumb reached up the pinch his nipple. "You're my snowflake."

"Yours?" Jaebum questioned a certain tone to his voice. His lips pressed to the shell of his ear. "Show me how I'm yours."

Sometimes, for as emotionally stunted as Jinyoung had felt in the beginning, he would contemplate telling Jaebum about how he felt.

Not that he ever had the guts to do it, but he certainly thought about it often. He knew of course, his feelings, that at this point he couldn't deny that he loved Jaebum. But they never talked about things besides the first time they kissed, and things just kept progressing since then.

He didn't think that Jaebum would ever say anything either. He hasn't at this point, and he was beginning to doubt that Jaebum ever would.

Sometimes he wondered if it even mattered, if Jaebum told him or not, or at least something, so Jinyoung would know about how he feels. If it would make him feel any different if he really knew, and sometimes he wondered if he even wanted to at that point. There was substantial evidence, that he could use to back up his claim, but he didn't want to get his hopes up, even though in the end that's what had ended up happening anyways.

Maybe that was his problem, that he had given Jaebum everything.

Towards the end, he should have noticed that it was going to end up like how it did. Of course, at the time, he hadn't wanted to think it would be over. But nothing lasts forever.

There was a phone call Jaebum had taken, in between ironing out their dance and vocal training. Jinyoung didn't know what it was, but he did know that whatever it was, it was bad, because Jaebum was instantly scowling and stalking away, leaving Jinyoung to go sit by the only other people he knew, which was a rambunctious trainee, Jackson Wang.

And at vocal training, Jaebum wasn't there either, and it made Jinyoung frown wondering where he was at, because it was Im Jaebum, and he may be many things, but he wasn't a skipper. So doing the only thing he could have at the time, he asked their teacher, and said Jaebum was in JYP's office.

That night Jaebum didn't come home.

Jinyoung sat there for hours staring at the door, periodically checking his phone, and telling himself every so often that Jaebum would be back any minute.

But he wasn't.

Jinyoung coped with it with one of the only ways he knew how, he sung. He sung to himself as he pulled out a notebook to scribble down lyrics, pouring out his heart and soul, because if he couldn't say the words to Jaebum, then he damn well at least deserves to be able to express himself to the confines of this notebook, rather than just his mind.

It was that night that he had come to terms with the fact that he had wanted more, but nothing was ever going to come, because it was just a ship that was meant to sail, but sunk before it could even get halfway.

When Jinyoung sat there, thinking about all of it, it left him feeling silly. So damn ridiculous that he hadn't known, that he hadn't realized sooner. He had been an idiot.

Sitting there, Jinyoung wiped his eyes knowing that he was crying over it again.   
It was a project, Jinyoung knew that. it was in the name after all, but it hurt to wonder if that's all it was to Jaebum. Some project. An experiment.

And that hurt, so damn much.

He wanted to hate Jaebum for it too, but he couldn't. He hated that all he wanted was for Jaebum to hug him and tell him that everything would be okay, even though Jaebum was a well portion of why he felt like this.

He could still remember how the first domino fell causing the chain reaction. They were sitting, outside of JYP's office, and Jaebum wouldn't look at him, and the only way he knew Jaebum was even acknowledging his presence was from the way Jaebum's hand was curled around Jinyoung's waist with his thumb stroking small patterns.

They were called in, and Jaebum pulled away from him to go into the office, and then they were sat across from JYP.

That day, he told them that JJ Project was on an indefinite hiatus and they were going back to being normal trainees.

Jaebum didn't talk to him that night.

Or the next.

And it took all of Jinyoung's willpower to not get angry, but it was so damn hard because he just possibly lost his chance too, and he was feeling and going through the same damn thing that Jaebum was.

Jaebum was the first to initiate something, even though Jinyoung was on the brink of hosting his own intervention.

There was something about it, the way Jaebum was so silent, that Jinyoung should have taken as a warning sign. They were more then friends then, but in those few quiet moments, it was as if something had clearly changed and now Jinyoung could feel it and he wonders if he had always been that blind.

Jaebum did most of the talking then. Going on about how much it sucked, but Jinyoung wasn't sure if this hurt Jaebum as much as it was absolutely killing Jinyoung. Yet, no matter how bad it was, that they had to remain nothing, and it was that word that clung to Jinyoung's mind, heart, and lungs. Nothing. Nothing. In reality, Jinyoung had begun to space out, only focusing on window behind Jaebum that was pouring out bright light that felt all too chipper for this exact moment.

He nearly cringed when he spoke, and looking back on it, he definitely did, with how small his voice was. "Are we still friends?"

Jaebum had looked at him then and had given what had to be the stiffest nod that Jinyoung has ever seen. "Of course. We've always been friends."

They both knew that was a lie. Or, was it really?

"Can I still call you my snowflake?"

His look had changed, to a whole new different one. As if he had known that he shouldn't indulge Jinyoung like that, especially after saying what he had, but his posture softened, "Okay."


End file.
